How To Win On Dating Apps And Find Your Dream Partner: The Blueprint to Succeed

The Shift to Online Dating

Finding love has evolved. While meeting someone at a coffee shop or through a friend used to be the norm, the data tells a different story today.

Online dating is now the most common way people date and meet their significant other.

Whether you like it or not, you must be willing to adapt or you might get left behind.

As Charles Darwin says: “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”

For tech professionals, in particular, this shift is especially relevant. Busy work schedules and remote work have changed the dynamics of in-person meetings, making dating apps one critical tool for finding meaningful relationships.

Why Online Dating Works (And Why It Might Not Be Working for You)

Online dating works because it allows users to cast a wider net, giving access to potential partners they may never meet otherwise.

Let’s just be realistic. If you work long hours Monday through Friday, you want some type of tool to be able to generate leads with women while you are working and doing other things in your life so that you can have a chance at finding love.

However, it’s not always a seamless process.Many people struggle with getting matches, the text messaging phase, or transitioning from an app chat to a real-life date. Lastly, they have challenges in having successful dates and moving on to the next steps of courtship.

If you’re finding yourself frustrated, you’re not alone. But the key lies inhowyou use these apps.

Just like anything in life, there’s right ways to do things, and wrong ways. In this article I will show you how to succeed on dating apps so that you can get more dates and attract the right person for a meaningful, long term relationship that stands the test of time.

The reason why you should pay attention is because I’ve coached countless men in their love lives and several of them have found their partner through dating apps.

Optimize Your Profile

Your dating profile is your first impression, and it needs to be attractive, engaging, and authentic. A strong profile that is built the right way will lead to more quality and quantity matches with women, which can lead to having the opportunity to meet more women, which will eventually lead to attracting the right woman for you!

This is a woman who you’re physically attracted to, have good chemistry with, has similar values and supports and understands you.

The problem that I see a lot of men make is that they simply don’t care about their appearances, and barely put in any effort into the way that they look. Most engineers wear a plain old t-shirt and they add pictures that demonstrate low value.

They are lazy about what they wear, how they pose and what pictures to put up. And not to mention they also don’t put in any mental energy into making their prompts engaging and playful for women to see their sense of humor.

And then they say “oh the apps don’t work for me,” yada yada yada and start to make excuses.

Think about it. If you want to find a woman who’s pretty, takes care of herself and dresses well, then you should also do those things as well!

Doesn’t make any sense to be looking like you're in high school or a bum! People always say don’t judge a book by its cover but let me tell you the truth. People all judge a book by its cover; especially the way you look, what you wear and how the clothes fit you.

I’m not here to make you feel good with this positive thinking and just be yourself “bs” advice. I’m here to tell you what you need to hear in order for you to succeed. That’s why the clients who I work with succeed.

So let’s get back to optimizing your dating profile.As a man, you don’t need to have thousands of matches, but you do need to have a couple each day on different apps which will give you a compound effect of several matches over each week and months.

So if you don’t get any matches on the apps, it’s your fault! The good thing is you can tweak up your profile, add some things and do it only once and never have to touch it again! This is what we do with my clients.

The first thing we do is we take a look at all their best pictures/dating app profiles that they have of themselves and see what we need to do to 10X it.

Most of the time, we will get 1-2 pics from there, then we will schedule a proper photoshoot with my photographer here in San diego.

If they live in a different city, state, or country then I consult with them and show them the winning formula from the coaching program and examples of other clients and then they just follow the process.

As we schedule a shoot, I also take a look at their wardrobe, see their best attires that they would wear to a date or a tech event and we pick out their clothes for the shoot. If they don’t have much to work with, then they have to go shopping for a new wardrobe and they get a custom game plan according to their body type.

As a man, it’s important to dress well. Dress for success. Look good, feel good. Present yourself to the world as a successful professional man. As Tom Ford says, “dressing well is a form of good manners”

As for your attire, you want at least one suit pic, polo shirt, long sleeve shirt, nice sweater or a shirt with a nice jacket. And you want to add a nice watch for aesthetics, similar to how women usually wear earrings. Not an apple/smart watch, but a good old school, traditional masculine watch.

The final thing to add on clothes? They should all be wrinkle free! You can wear the best shirts but if they are wrinkled like crazy, it actually cancels out the outfit. As a man, you should at least have a steamer or iron for all your clothes.

Also, make sure your hygiene is on point! That means cut your nails, have a nice haircut and trim your beard or shave. This depends on your situation but master the basics.

On apps and in real life,you never have a second chance to make a first impression!Doesn’t matter if you are skinny or fat, anyone can make themselves look better and look more attractive.

And not only in what you wear, but how clothes fit you is one of the keys to looking better and showing yourself in a more attractive way.

Another key thing that no one talks about is the way that you pose for pictures. Being able to display a strong body language and different facial expressions is needed with a different background/ location.

The worst thing to do is to have a series of a bunch of dating photos with the same background in different attire, and all smiling or having the same facial expression! This is absolutely terrible. It shows you that you are socially unintellgient.

Now, how many pictures you should put up on the apps? Hinge requires 6 photos. So we go for 6 strong photos because Hinge is one of the frontrunners for the best apps currently. This might change in the future.

As far as the other apps, 4-5 works great. What you want to do is at least have 6 tops and 2 bottoms for a photoshoot. Each photo should be in a different setting with a different attire and within each attire, the photographer takes 10-15 photos. Then we pick out the best one in each series. And you rinse and repeat this process in different settings while changing up the attire and body language.

Some poses you want to do are standing up, sitting down, looking away and looking at the camera. Mix smiling with showing teeth and others with smirking (no teeth), looking a little serious giving and others that are candid.

Other ones you can add are of you doing a fun activity such as a tennis action shot, boxing action shot, jiu jitsu, working out or playing with your dog works really well!

People always ask if a selfie is ok to put out on an app and I would say it depends. If you look good in the picture then yes, but if not, then don’t do it. If you are going to have a selfie, there should only be one. Having more than one will backfire on you and you won’t get as much traction.

Now, let’s talk facial expressions. I’ve tested this repeatedly with clients and never hear anyone talk about it - you do not want all your pics of yourself to be smiling. Like I've mentioned, you want to add some photos of you looking serious and dominant.

If you only smile in all your pics, it can come off as too agreeable and too nice. Too much of a nice guy that has no backbone is not the best look to attract a women to swipe on you.

One study says“smiling men were judged to be more feminine and less dominant.” You want to look more confident, mysterious, and sexually attractive.

By following this process, we then pick the best one from each shot, and now we have 6 strong photos!

Now we need to talk order of photos on the apps, because it’s pretty important. You want to pick the best two photos of yourself.The attention span is so short nowadays that if you put the best two photos last, then women who are swiping on you probably won't make it to see you.

So it’s crucial that the top two are the best. Each picture should to have a different pose. You don't want all your pics for example to be standing, making the same pose and smiling in each one.

Switch it up and keep it different and unique! We’ve tested this out and it works very well! I explain this better with every client that I work with, as well as give them a customized plan to make it easier, but this process is still the same.

After the pictures on the apps are set, the next thing you need to have is good prompts and a short and sweet bio. Prompts are very underrated - a lot of men don’t put in any effort in this section because they think this doesn’t matter at all.

But the reality is,having good prompts is a way for women online to be able to see your personality.What you want to display is a good sense of humor combined with passion, confidence and conviction.

You do this by selecting good questions that you can answer the right way.

Too many guys are way too logical, and this bores women. It makes it harder for them to text you or make them feel any type of way about

Here’s and example of the wrong way to do it, which I see a lot:

The key to my heart is; if you are nice.

First date we go out on is; Dinner

What I’m looking for in a relationship; someone who has good communication

I’m overly competitive about; most things

These are too logical and boring and don’t demonstrate fun and adventure.

A couple of good examples from the same questions but said in another way are:

The key to my heart is; Someone who knows how to bake a yummy chocolate cake👩🍳🍰😋

First date we go out on is; Go to the beach, catch the sunset and have some Pinot Noir☀️🌊🍷

Together we could; Travel the world, try out all differents types of foods and have epic pillow fights🌍✈️🙂

What I do with my clients is I help them pick out good prompts and help them answer it in a fun and playful type of way according to their life and interests. As you noticed, the answers from the good example are way better than just answering it in a logical boring way.

But why does this really matter? Let’s take the overall concept from the prompt examples. By answering the question about the ideal date and you put down dinner, it becomes a waste of a prompt because number one, it's boring, too general and there's not much excitement behind that or you being a romantic.

Remember, we men need to be the romantics, not women. It is our job to romance women and be the leaders.If you add something like the other answer, it’s more fun, it's thought out and romantic and also different from what most men put. It shows your creativity and adventurous spirit. Who doesn't love adventure?

We’ve seen good, positive responses to this and women saying things like, I also love the beach and wine, thus making it easier to message and be able to set up a date!

Let’s talk about the Bio. Having a long paragraph that's too long for anyone wanting to read. Short and sweet is the way to go here. Just have a few sentences that encapsulate who you are, what you like to do or add some humor for bonus and that’s it!

Another thing that you want to add is emojis to your answers.Emojis are the facial expression of what you are saying through textand it’s a good way to convey how you feel. Being more engaging and emotional is imperative with women. Remember the key to a successful dating life is being emotional not logical.

The last part of an app is your preferences for interests and activities. Remember, a couple more interesting attractive activities will really help you out as opposed to really boring things.

This could be working out, some type of sport or martial arts like boxing or jiu jitsu, an outdoor activity that you like such as hiking, surfing, biking etc., coffee, tea or boba, unique like museums or theater if that’s what you are into.

By putting some of these things down, you will have some women who will also dm you about these things which again makes it easier to text them to get to a date.

As far as the age range, you should do it according to your preference, and as far as radius, 60 miles max works great. People will say 60 miles is a long way but my belief is, you guys can always meet up halfway and if the attraction, chemistry and values are there, it’s 100% worth it!

I’m not saying you won’t find someone close to where you live just saying max, it’s not bad.

Lastly, make sure you put down all your work info and add your school/s that you went to. And please make sure you are verified! By not being verified, it makes women on the apps think you are not real.

They might be thinking you are a catfish or troll, and this makes them not want to swipe on you!

After you do all of these things in one dating app, what you want to do is do the same thing for other dating apps. Just cut and paste all the stuff you did on one app and do it on the others.

For example, if you tweaked up your profile on hinge, then you want to add other dating apps and rinse and repeat this exact process on there. Add the same pictures, bio, prompts, and for the top two best pics you want to split test them and switch it up.

For the prompts, they might have different questions or similar questions. Just add the same answer but make sure the question is basically the same one in a different way they put it.

Once you do this process, then you should have 4 strong dating apps which convey high value and should give you more quality and quantity matches.

The big apps are bumble and hinge, and you can find two other that suit you!

See how the Apps are Working for You

What I recommend when you set up all the dating apps is to run the apps for two-three weeks and then see which app is the best one. You should know by how many matches it says you have on top, it’ll show a picture of like 14+ but it's a blurred image of women who swiped yes on you.

The account that has the most likes, you should double down and pay for the premium for a month or two.

What the premium does is lets you cut the line and see all the women who swiped yes on you and now you don’t have to swipe on them. You can just choose to match with them and message them!

As you can see, being able to create a strong profile really matters.A lot of men have challenges with getting consistent matches, but if you do this right, it should be day and night difference.a We see this all the time when I coach my clients on this phase.

Move onto Phase 2 and 3

The three phases in dating apps are #1, optimizing your dating app profile, #2, the text messaging phase and #3, how to have successful dates.

Each one is critical to succeed on the apps because you can have better pictures, but if you don’t know how to text women the right way then most of your conversations in the apps will fizzle out, or you will get ghosted before even getting a date.

For this article we will only talk about phase #1, but in the next weeks i will talk about phase #2 and #3.

If you are looking get a coach for you, and want me to help you with this process so you can succeed in finding love on dating apps or in real life, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Do it because your love life matters!